Retch
by Poultry Man
Summary: Sometimes we go to extremes to avoid hurting somone's feelings.


Disclaimer: I do not own Teen Titans. This story is intended for entertainmen purposes only.

* * *

Vomiting is not something one normally considers therapeutic. The whole clenching painful affair seems, by design in fact, to be the antithesis of comfort. Yet, Raven found herself very grateful, and verily, relieved to be lunging forward into the toilet at an ungodly speed. Inwardly ( very far from the surface indeed) She smiled as her head dipped lighting quick, like a half starved serpent, forward into the bowl again. It is strange to think that Raven could, with every contraction of her diaphragm, be experiencing a sense of solace rarely felt by those outside the bulimic realms.

Perhaps, however, it becomes more profound when we know that with each passing lurch - the dark mistress of Jump City was greeted with an image of the strange substance Starfire had placed before them on the dinner table not twenty minutes prior. An alleged edible…_thing,_ that had not one texture, but twelve (one of them being fur) all at the same time. It did not help the appetite that this food was of a color that no one in the group was aware existed. To top all this off, it had been blessed with a mustard-based glaze.

When the entity accused of being supper was served, all of the other Titans had exchanged horrid panicked stricken looks. These looks communicated the acknowledgement of two prior instances. The first being when Beast Boy had ran a fever for an entire week after eating one of Starfire's favorite desserts. The other article conjured up was of a meal not too long after, one they had refused to eat on the basis of Beast Boy's violent reaction to the previous. This of course was met with Starfire crying non-stop for close to Thirty-six hours.

The look they exchanged said this: _We can't eat this it will kill us. But, we can't refuse it._ Raven's solution to this infernal Catch-22, was to spirit away to the rest room as soon as possible in hopes her gag reflex was sensitive. When that hot bitter acid gushed and gooped onto her fingers, she knew Azar was a good goddess.

Her head rose to the rim of the bowl for just a minute to take a quick breath before the next wave. "Praise Azar." She panted. "Oh prais-ack," And just like that she was bellowing and spewing all over again. She winced as she felt some stringy bits try and come up her nose; her disgust was compounded when she realized half of it was in one nostril and half in the other. That thought alone was enough to send her retching once more.

She looked down at the brownish -purplish chunky blob swimming in the toilet, and thought of one of the bites she had taken. How it had _actually_ growled at her when it was halfway down the young girl's throat. Raven glared at the toilet water, and found the following flush nothing but cathartic.

The demoness slumped on the toilet bowl, her legs spread out behind her, face resting on the gloriously cool rim. She was covered in sweat. The girl's hair clung to her face; her clothes clung to her body. Exhausted, the sorceress cast a blank stare over the sapphire blue waters of her salvation.

Yes, her throat was sore. As was her abdomen, very dreadfully so. Her clothes would need to be changed too. A stray strand of hair drifted in front of her eyes, and she saw the debris encrusted thereon, she supposed she would have to take a bath immediately as well.

There was also the cleanup of the bathroom to be had, but there was respite. Because she knew whatever was in that food would most definitely not be absorbed into her body. So in her pain Raven smiled weakly.

* * *

All in all it was twenty minutes before the heroine felt secure enough in her constitution to rise off the floor. She stood shakily, because unbeknownst to her; both of the teenager's legs had fallen asleep. She had to support her weight on the back of the toilet for just a minute.

Proceeding from this point she unraveled the tissue from the roll and began to wipe the rim off. After this procedure she slunk toward the sink in search of her blue toothbrush. Pausing a minute to appreciate the pristine beauty of the little red stripe in the midst of the alabaster paste, and also to brace herself, Raven set about scrubbing the taste of her stomach out of her mouth. After repeating this process twice more, she decided to move on to the next item on the itinerary.

Pray. Check

Regurgitate potentially lethal food stuffs. Check

Pray again. Check

Cleanup toilet and surrounding area. Check

Brush Teeth Vigorously. Check

Curse Tameran and all of it's customs. Check

Take bath, and wash hair.

Raven sighed quietly as she stretched black tendrils around the knobs on the faucet. The showerhead sprang to life at the remote command. Raven busied her energy at setting the temperature, while she slipped out of her leotard. Throwing it on the ground with her cape and boots, she hung her belt around the robe hook in the wall, and slipped out of her underwear.

The bathroom was just starting to steam as she climbed in the stall, and if one were so disposed as to watch this scene, one could literally see her silhouette dissolve as she relaxed.

* * *

Forty minutes after she had abruptly excused herself from the table, Raven walked back into the common room. She made her way into the room feeling refreshed, and much less likely to die a horrible thrashing death brought on by a Tameranian with a Ramsay complex.

Raven was somewhat concerned to see Starfire, Beast boy, and Cyborg standing by the sofa looking toward the door she had just came through, seeming very worried

"What's wrong?" she said.

Cyborg exchanged a questionable look with Beast Boy who kept on saying "ummm—" as if her were stuck in a loop.

Starfire spoke up, "Oh friend Raven, did you not see Robin in the hall?"

"No." she said cautiously.

"Must've just missed him." Beast Boy said under his breath, as Cyborg jabbed him with his elbow.

"Oh it is terrible Raven! Robin was standing by the table when suddenly he bent over, and howled in pain! It was an awful sound! Then a horrible smell filled the room and he ran out, screaming, and clutching his belly!"

"He ran screaming?" Raven asked this with a slight air of bemusement encroaching on her concern. The eyebrow that had sprung up automatically at Starfire's first question was already descending.

"More waddled, I say." Beast Boy interjected; to wit Cyborg elbowed him again.

"I didn't see anything Starfire." She said conclusively.

"Oh I must attend to him. He may be hurt." And with that the alien princess flew off.

Raven stared after her, genuinely dumbfounded. Then she turned on the remaining boys, "I'm guessing Robin has a bit of a problem on his hands?"

The boys nodded in perfect unison.

"Do either of you want to make a run for it before you share in his untimely fate?"

"Naaah. Don't have to." Cyborg replied. "BB here bolted the minute Starfire's back was turned."

"Really?"

"Yeah I turned into a snake, and ralphed everything up at once. I know it's not pretty but It beats the alternative."

"And how bout you?" She faced Cyborg as she sat down on the couch.

"Oh, me? Well in light of (cough) …recent events, I've taken the liberty of installing a kinda filter. All I had to do was quietly empty the container. No fuss. No muss. No hurt feelings."

"Ingenious." A slight pause before, "Then our fearless leader?"

"Wwweeelll, somebody had to help Star clean up."

Raven gave a small smile, as Cyborg and Beast Boy laughed hysterically. Raven's amusement was short-lived, when she realized the deadly smell Starfire spoke of was still present in the room. Wincing at the evidence of Robin's harried departure, she coughed and turned her attention elsewhere. "What's on TV?"

The other heroes looked at each other and nodded in the assent that a distraction would be most welcome.

"Where **is** the remote?" Cyborg asked, earnestly worried.

"Over here, tin man," Beast Boy declared from under the other side of the vast sectional.

The need for a distraction, however, became greater as screaming started from somewhere else in the tower.

First there was an almighty shriek followed by:

"_Starfire! Get Out OF HERE!"_

"_Oh but Robin I didn't mean too. It's just- I thought you were hurt!"_

"_I'm fine just get out!" _

"_Oh, but surely you are in need of assistance!"_

"_NOOOO!"_

Best Boy Began scanning for channels, as Raven and Cyborg talked loudly to cover up the screaming.

"Everybody loves Raymond. Jersey Shore. Real House Wives. Raymond. Raymond." Beast Boy rattled out the choices in the vain attempt to summon a suitable viewing program.

"For the love of God B," Cyborg yelled desperately. "Pick something! I'm starting to make out what they're saying again!"

"Aww Fuck It!" Beast Boy said as he pumped up the volume to max.

"_**Why don't you want me to Ray? WHY?"**_

"_**Because nobody cooks worse than you!"**_

And then there was laughter in the common room once more.


End file.
